Finding your tribe when you’ve been left on the shelf.

Finding Your Tribe (Even If It Takes a While)

Growing up, I often felt like I didn’t quite fit in. School wasn’t easy it was completely horrible navigating it felt like learning a language I hadn’t been taught, one filled with unwritten rules and invisible expectations. For me, it was even more complicated because my childhood was far from straightforward. Bullying, trauma, and the constant feeling that I had to mask who I was made it hard to find friends who truly understood me.

In my adult working life I could pretend. I could laugh at jokes, make meaningless small talk , and nod along to conversations just to belong. But none of that ever felt like my tribe. None of it felt like friendship. I longed for people I could truly be myself with the quirky hyper weirdo that I am- people who saw me, really saw me, and didn’t require a performance or a mask.

For a long time, I feared I would never find that. I assumed maybe I was destined to float through life, making surface-level connections but never finding that deep, soulful camaraderie that feels like that thing called a two way friendship .

And then, somehow, it happened but much later than I expected. I didn’t start finding my tribe until I was over 35. Suddenly, through work, shared experiences, and the simple act of putting myself out there, I met people who resonated with me in a way that no school or workplace had ever managed. These friends get me. They see me. They challenge me. They make me laugh until my stomach hurts, and yes, sometimes they’re delightfully sarcastic bitches who keep me in check.

Of course, I still have a few amazing friends from school namely Grace and Granny Annie, and I’m lucky to do so. They’ve been there for the long haul, and I can still call on them when I need support even if we don’t talk for years . But the friends I’ve met in adulthood… there’s something uniquely extraordinary about them. They are my chosen family, people I feel connected to on a level that feels effortless and purely joyful.

Sometimes I think about what life would have been like if I’d met them earlier. Maybe they would have talked me out of some of the silly decisions I made resulting possibly in my children 🤦‍♀️ or maybe not. Maybe those decisions shaped the life I have now, including my children, and brought me to this very moment, grateful for the people I have in my corner.

I know that when we’re older, we’ll be holidaying abroad together, moaning about grandchildren, complaining about heating bills, and laughing at all the little absurdities life throws at us. That thought fills me with a warmth I can’t fully describe the kind that comes from knowing you’re not navigating life alone, and that your tribe, when you find it, sticks by you through thick and thin and shit loads of bad decisions.

Finding your tribe isn’t always easy, and sometimes it takes longer than you think. But it’s possible. And when you do, it’s one of the most profound, comforting, and joyous things in life. You realize that being yourself fully, unapologetically yourself is not only enough, it’s exactly what the right people have been waiting for.

And let me tell you: having those friends by your side is worth every late start, awkward conversation, and lonely phase you endured along the way. Because when it clicks, you know you’ve met your group of little wankers