Is linear actually a fashion?
A supposed explanation to my possible rantings of a a Ludacris yet Lovely soul-explaining to myself what I’m attempting to achieve with this blog thing.
I’ve had this idea for a while — to write a blog. The funny thing is, my brain doesn’t work in a linear fashion- so I’m not sure I’m the perfect candidate for this blog writing thing.
I’m not someone who can neatly put together a story from start to finish, because honestly, Ive never know my arse from my head (also the little issue of a memory shot to death by its own nervous system .)
This is kind of the point though — the story would make for interesting reading and reflection or maybe a study for a mental institution studying those with imposter syndrome and a dependency on true crime and fluoxetine … who knows.
I’ve been around the world, both metaphorically and literally.. But even though a lot of my life has been what I loving like to call a “magical pile of shit” , but I don’t want to write a blog that’s all about sadness because Not everything was sad there were many many happy times.(singing in the car with my dad and my mum calling me her “little soul mate”.)
In the end, it’s a happy story — the story of a little girl discovering herself and her love which happens to be well….her.
The life she now builds for herself, and the love she gives to the little girl inside her — the part of her she’s finally making happy. And that’s the best part.
So Here’s the plan stan: I’m going to take excerts from my life (over the next however long), in no particular order, and give you the feelings behind them.. Some of it probably won’t make sense, but it’s cathartic for myself to write and reflect no one will probably read it (and that’s okay too I’m kind of toying with the idea that that’s what I want) but maybe just maybe one day a sad lonely girl like I once was will stumble across it and read that one day she’s going to be happy at her own home in her pyjamas, lighting a candle, and watching Sex and the City like the cliche little bitches she once thought others were.
But I want to be clear: as you read, remember this girl is healed. She’s not a sad girl anymore. So please don’t feel bad for her, or assume she’s all about “misery loving company.” Shes not.
The most important part for me though is Please don’t hate this girl either this bit is really important— everyone’s always seemed to take a dislike to her, and she’s never understood why. (Now she kind of gets it,)so give her a chance please (can someone else for once support the underdog my arms are tired)
For me Now feels like the right opportunity to share this because I’ve been so far “fixed” for over a decade. I’m itching to share the strategies and tools that got me here with someone else someone else who might so desperately need them.
I’ve always been a deep person, often lost, and only later in life did I realise it was because I’m neurodivergent.
Neurodivergence wasn’t something that was widely recognised when I was a kid. Back then, if you were autistic, you didn’t talk and you didn’t walk — there was no in-between. Although I do feel like my uncle was in between always talking about having a magical kangaroo and despite seeing me almost weekly as a child never actually knowing my name…
Until I had J -they, them, their-( oh my god I can never get it right) that’s a whole other story that I’m sure I will come to at some point, although it’s not my story to tell, I do play a big part.
This is my story — shared with love, honesty, and a little bit of whimsy. 🌸
See, I told you my mind doesn’t work in a linear fashion. It’s probably due to the drugs, probably due to the nervous system I mentioned But whatever it’s due to , I’m blessed it happened, because I’m in the best place. Without all of that happening, I wouldn’t be this person I am now. I wouldn’t be surrounded by the people I’m surrounded by now. I wouldn’t be feeling what I’m feeling now. So I’m grateful for those little inconveniences along the way… and I told you, my brain doesn’t work in a linear fashion.)